ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
