I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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