dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Randomize
