her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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