sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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