Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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