Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
