I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
