Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So squirting runs in the family.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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