Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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