Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
