Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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