I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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