That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
