I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
