you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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