Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
