after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
