sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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