i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
