I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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