I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
