just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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