I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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