I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
