ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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