he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
im calling her cock vulture from now on
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
