Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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