Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize