Princesses don't give blow jobs
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
