I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize