She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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