then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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