plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize