I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
