It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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