I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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