he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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