ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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