Can i not drive my cunt home
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize