you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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