hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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