Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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