your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
