Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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