Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
