Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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