he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
