I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
