I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
