I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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