Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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