I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
