I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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