who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
