that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That accounts for only three of the penises
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
