scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
