is your mom at the bar?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
