oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
