im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize