Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
