Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my being single is dangerous.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
