The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
