I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
