fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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