I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
