my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
not ubering you a puppy
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
