the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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