The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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