i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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