We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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